Agent Viru

first_imgThe Indian team’s departure from Bangalore to Delhi meant that my interactions with Agent Viru would be temporarily disrupted. I grabbed the last opportunity I had before the team was cordoned off by the national Capital’s paranoid security. As Agent Viru boarded the flight with the rest of the team, he saw me greeting him, working undercover as the flight attendant. He evaded any further eye contact and went straight to a seat in the economy class where I was serving.The players dropped their guard as soon as the flight took off. Piyush Chawla was on his PSP, beating the heck out of the machine, which must have been an unusual experience for him. Virat Kohli emerged from the toilet with his hair freshly spiked, designed to cause serious bodily harm to any fly that may sit on it. Fortunately for the flies, Munaf Patel’s gaping mouth as he slept was far more attractive. S. Sreesanth was flirting with the airhostesses, for some odd reason, with his iPod plugged into his ears disturbing communication signals with the air traffic control. Over the next two and a half hours, I caught up with Agent Viru for five quick chats and overheard some other conversations, a synopsis of which forms this week’s report.Everyone asked what Chawla is doing in the team? Apparently, it’s more than just ‘C’ being close to ‘D’, as Viru had told me earlier. With Ashish Nehra injured, the other bowling option makes one senior bowler very insecure. “The Masala Dosa in our team is better than Butter Chicken. And Butter Chicken knows it. He and his close buddy Captain Cook won’t let Masala Dosa in, unless Nehra remains injured and our situation becomes desperate,” Agent Viru told me cryptically.advertisementThere’s a feeling that Doug Bollinger’s “injury”, once M/s Lee, Tait and Johnson struck form, making way for Michael Hussey to bolster the middle order, seems too convenient to be true. Also, most believe that the pretence of being civilised, a recently acquired fa?ade, has also been thrown out of the window going by the way the Aussies ruffled Tillakaratne Dilshan. “Thank God. Now I can recognise Ricky Ponting,” Viru told me on his way to the toilet.Kevin Pietersen’s (KP) injury is beyond suspicion, although, probably not caused on the field. “Don’t lift any watermelon,” KP said to a confused Ian Bell who was, incidentally, seeking dinner suggestions. Bell figured it only when he saw a soft drink commercial with KP jumping around with watermelons. “I took those watermelons home after the shoot,” Viru told me. “They were juicy but also heavy,” he added with raised eyebrows.There were laughs galore about Bangladeshi fans who pelted stones on the West Indies team bus. “Their fans are like their bowlers, always off target,” Yuvraj Singh said generating more laughs than Kamran Akmal’s face does. Kamran was also briefly discussed with Harbhajan Singh saying that Kamran should try catching the ball with his mouth. “Who needs hands when you have a mouth like that,” he added.Munaf was the butt of most jokes. He was watching 7 Khoon Maaf with his wife when Kevin O’Brien started blasting the English bowlers. Munaf was called back midway through the film to watch him bat. “Abey, couldn’t you have seen the highlights?” Agent Viru asked him jokingly. Privately, though, he chuckled mischievously as he told me, “When you look like Munaf and perform like Munaf, it’s not wise to take your wife for 7 Khoon Maaf . Why give her ideas?”- The writer was formerly known as the Fake IPL Player. He will observe the 2011 World Cup through Agent Viru’s eyes.last_img

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